After The Blog

Many of you might be wondering what I have been up to these past couple of weeks ‘post blog’. Well, here’s my update- I’m still as busy as I can be, loving my sorority, loving the game of soccer, LOVING MY LORD, and enjoying every little thing I can squeeze out of this life that I live. Oh, and *whispers* sometimes I don’t wear makeup!

This blog has been nothing but a blessing in my life. In my twenty years I have found that the most difficult things are usually the most rewarding. I seek difficult things… because I like rewards!! My mentality has shifted, not drastically, but just enough to make a huge impact on my life. In my twenty years I have also found that even the smallest changes can make the biggest differences- it’s how you use them.

I no longer seek self-indulgent attention, rather the attention that indulges others, specifically God. And that is something I have to wake up every morning and make a priority of mine. That small shift in my mentality from “ME” to “GOD” is crucial. I am not living my life for me; I am living my life for Him, and in turn I have grown more in this short time than I have in the past twenty years combined. HOW AMAZING IS THAT?? It is HE who defines beauty. It is HE who defines strength. It is HE who defines all things worthy. And it is HE who defines me. Amazing. Absolutely amazing. And I am still in awe of Him daily.

If you haven’t had the chance to read my blog in it’s entirety, I encourage you to do so when you have a free moment. If you have fleeting free moments, I encourage you to read some of my posts on their own. To get the full effect of my challenge it is beneficial to read my blog from start to finish, but each post can stand alone as encouragement in your faith and in mine. As I have grown in my life and in my faith, through my writing you have gotten to hear first hand the shift in my demeanor. I have gone back and re-read my blog from the first post to the last, and was amazed at how different I sounded in the latter half of the month compared to the prior half. How radical a change the Lord has made in my life. And it’s never ending- He hasn’t stopped changing my life for the better just because my challenge is over, and He won’t ever stop as long as I am diligently seeking Him.

The premise of this challenge was to “find true beauty in the eyes of the Lord.” I have found that and so much more. I know that for some of you who followed my journey have found that, and so much more as well, in your own lives. I have said from the beginning- if I could impact just one person through my blogging then I will be overjoyed. From your responses I know whom I have impacted and I am beyond thrilled for the position the Lord has gifted me at this time in my life. I’m so glad y’all could experience this with me!

It’s been almost a month since my ‘challenge’ and blog ended, and I have been finding that I am missing it. One of my best friends in my sorority followed me from the beginning of this journey, and I am so thankful that I managed to inspire her along the way. One day we were sitting in her room, bouncing ideas off of each other, and came up with something special- A campaign that encourages other girls to take off all of their makeup and say what beauty means to them;

“Beauty is…” was born.

Both Carley and I have been working carefully on this project for the past month. We made a website (well, honestly Carley made the website, and did such a good job!!!), made a Twitter handle and an Instagram account (@beautyistweets & @beautyisphotos - follow us!), and since Carley is a wonderful photographer, she has shot a few makeup-less photoshoots of girls (including me). WE ARE SO EXCITED ABOUT THIS CAMPAIGN. And we want you to be excited too!!

On our website,

http://beautyis2014.wix.com/beautyis

we have our story, the pictures from the photoshoots, and a place for Y’ALL, YES Y’ALL! We want each one of you to send in a picture/selfie of yourself without makeup on, accompanied with a quote from you finishing this sentence, “Beauty is…” I have told y’all what beauty means to me through my blog, and now it’s your turn to tell us WHAT BEAUTY MEANS TO YOU.

If you would like to participate, email us at beautyis2014@yahoo.com ! And you can make it onto our website! This campaign is to empower young women, like Carley and I, to be comfortable in their own skin and to see the true meaning of beauty, behind all the cosmetics. So like/share/participate in this campaign, and in doing so we believe we can make an impact on our generation! Thanks y'all!

xoxo, Rach

"Beauty to me is standing confidently in front of thousands, with a bare face, and being able to say that you are beautiful because the One who defines the word 'beauty' created you in His own perfect image and deems you as such. And then believing and sharing with others. Beauty to me is something to be shared, not something to hide."

Day 28- The Real Foundation

Today was such a good day. I woke up in a good mood (probably because I fell asleep in a really good mood), and I took on the rest of the day with positive eyes. It’s amazing what perspective can do for one’s attitude and mindset!

I struggled last night, but turned to the Lord, received prayers, and ultimately felt at peace by the time I closed my eyes. That peace carried over into today. I swear I had a smile plastered on my face the entire day! After class in the morning and after lunch, I met with my mentor to talk about my journey and where I am in my life right now. What a different position I am in now than I was 28 days ago! A lot can change in four weeks! And all the credit goes to my Lord. He has radically changed my heart, my mind, and my perspective on how to approach life. What a blessing this challenge has been.

A few people have asked me what I thought about Friday being the last day of this challenge. I hadn’t thought about it until recently, but when I did think about it this was my response:

I’m excited, but I’m kind of scared. I’m scared to now have that crutch of makeup I can turn to if I’m feeling insecure, instead of turning to the Lord. I know that just because it will be available to me, doesn’t mean I have to turn to it. But the temptation will always be there. I’ve grown to love myself so much without makeup I don’t want to jeopardize that by wearing it again. I’m scared to fall back into that same mentality I had when I started this. 

My favorite response was, “No amount of makeup will change how beautiful you are in the eyes of those that have been given the opportunity to get to know you.”

The only opinions that matter are from those who know my heart. I said that in an earlier post, and I need to continually reiterate that to myself. No other opinions matter. I know myself. I know my heart. I am so beautiful because the Lord is shining through me that nothing can mask that. I should not be afraid, because I have Jesus in me.

“For the Lord has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.” 2 Timothy 1:7

The foundation we turn to to cover up our blemishes should not be found in a bottle, the foundation that has already covered all of our blemishes was found on the cross. Crucified. Laying all of our sins down so that we could live in eternity. We don’t have to worry. Jesus laid His OWN PERFECT life down for each of us so that when God looks down on us all He sees is white. No blemishes. He sees the Holy Spirit in us, and we are given the opportunity to live for Him and honor Him because He has already done so much for us.

It seems so silly to me now that I placed so much of my value in the opinions of others. Good opinions or bad opinions, both will mean nothing when the time comes for us to meet our Lord. Everything on this earth is fleeting. The only thing that will matter in the end is everything we did in our lives to honor and glorify our God. I hope He is smiling down at me, because I am smiling up at Him right now. He has done so much for me, someone so unworthy, who am I to not do everything I can to give back to Him? I owe my life to Him. He saved me, and continues to save me every day. The least I can do is proclaim His holy name to those around me and try to glorify Him in all aspects of my life.

Wearing makeup is not a bad thing. It only became bad when I used it as an idol, to manipulate others’ opinions about me in my favor. I will not swear off makeup for the rest of my life, but when I do wear it, it will be to enhance the beauty I already have, not to try to ‘cover up’ my insecurities. I will try each and every day to wake up and ask God to help me live each day for Him. Because when He is the center of my life, who needs makeup anyway?   

Day 27- Insecurities

Insecurities are relentless and choose to become prevalent at what seems to be the most inconvenient times. And right when I believe I have crushed them, they come flooding back stronger than before.

It is so annoyingly easy to be secure in myself when I am constantly in the Word, but when the real world surrounds me it manages to engulf me again. The same thoughts. The same mindset. The same insecurities. I don’t rationally know why I still feel this way. The devil knows my weakness and he is doing everything he can to exploit it when I am not prepared for it. Why can’t I be prepared all the time?

I am sitting here riding a bike in the rec, because I looked in the mirror tonight and decided I didn’t want to go out with my friends because I didn’t like the way I looked in my jeans. (I do my best thinking on the bike, remember?) I am so disappointed in myself. When I am frustrated I run. I’ve always turned to working out to get my mind straight about whatever is causing my frustration. My mind is a scary place on its own. If I am not careful, when I’m alone I let my mind race, and when my mind races it affects my heart. Writing relieves the thoughts in my mind so they don’t consume me.

I have always been the strong friend in the group of people I surround myself with. I’ve been through a lot so I guess I have sound advice based on my personal experiences. Trust is a big deal to me and I think others pick up on that. Through observation growing up, I have learned to always be there for a friend. For anyone for that matter. No matter what. I am one of the first people my friends call when they need someone. For any reason. I make a conscious effort to be a good listener when the only thing they need is ears or someone to confide in, and I will give my input only if needed. I discovered early on from my own experiences how vital and special it was to have a friend like that, so I decided to be that person for whomever asked. I take pride in being that for people.

Sometimes I feel like I’m stronger for other people than I am for myself. I find I am dealing with everyone else’s problems- loving every second of it, don’t get me wrong- but I’m realizing I neglect to deal with my own pressing struggles. This month was intended to be sacred time for me to finally address my issues. The issues I should not have to deal with, but deal with nonetheless. This month was my conscious effort to destroy the mindset society has placed in all of us- in me- that we are supposed to be valued for superficial qualities. We are supposed to appear to be flawless to observing eyes. And I say “appear” for a reason- no one is perfect. That much is obvious. Yet we all try to mask our flaws and portray a façade that indicates we are beautiful, happy, perfect, content. That’s exhausting. I’m exhausted. I haven’t tried to appear to be perfect for a month now. But my mind has been racing this whole time.

God has put me in a position of vulnerability, and because of that position I am in, I am attracting all sorts of people around me, people who are vulnerable just like me. Each person is a blessing in my life. For all the moments my mind has consumed me in my solitude, the Lord has shown me I am not alone. And He continues to show me every day. I don’t know why the Lord chose me. All the hard times I’ve endured in my life have been for a reason. I have been through just about as much as a twenty-year-old girl could go through, and I’ve been asking Him why my whole life. Why me? Why put me through those trials? I got through them for a reason. I am stronger because of them. I am alive at this moment despite several instances I could have not survived, for a specific reason. I can relate. I am just finding this out through this blog and through this process. The Lord gave me strength for other people. I get my strength from Him and He allows me to pass it along to others. As I am proving to not always have enough strength for myself, I am able to reflect God’s strength to other people. In turn, they have been instrumental in being strong for me. It’s funny how that works out. What the Lord pours into me I pour into others, and what I pour into others they end up pouring back into me. What a blessing that is.

A boy just walked by me in the rec, smiled, and said good job to me. Whatever reason he had for doing that only he will know. Is it weird that I feel like I’m about to cry right now? At the moments I feel weak, someone shows kindness to me. Kindness is so beautiful. I want to paint the world in kindness. Genuineness. Love. I want to paint this world in the image of God. Is that too much to ask? I want to paint myself in the image of God. Surely that isn’t asking as much as wanting to paint the world. Lord, paint me in your likeness. Cover me in your hope. Shower me with your grace. Engulf me in your everlasting love and please, please never let me go. That is my prayer tonight. I am yours. Beautiful because of you, and only you.

The Lord is continually putting people in my life when I need them the most. When I seek after Him, He provides me with meaningful friendships. I reached out to a sweet friend tonight when I was feeling down. This is the prayer he sent to me:

“Lord, please give Rachel the clarity to remember that she is made in Your image, and that it is our imperfections that make us who we are, and as your children we are loved as such. In your name, amen.”

Simple. Sweet. Powerful. My heart genuinely felt better within minutes. I thank the Lord for moments like those and the people I get to share them with. God is good, y’all.

Day 26- Thankful

I barely looked at myself in the mirror today. Not because I was afraid of what I would see, but because I didn’t feel the need to look at myself. I looked in the mirror one time- when I woke up and washed my face. After that I didn’t see my reflection until I got ready for bed in the evening. My mind was free today. I thank God for days like today.

Day 25- The Greatest Love Story

In honor of the ever-so-popular Monday Instagram tradition, I dedicate my ‘Man Crush Monday’ to King Solomon. King Solomon is my dude. I make no point in hiding that the book of Proverbs is my favorite book of the Bible. There are plenty of other great books, but Proverbs is literally a book just of true wisdom and instruction, given to Solomon from God Himself. I have the New Inductive Study Bible, and this is what it says about Proverbs:

“Solomon asked the Lord for an understanding heart so that he could lead the nation of Israel (See 1 Kings 3). In response to that prayer “God gave Solomon wisdom and very great discernment and breadth of mind, like that sand that is on the seashore, Solomon’s wisdom surpassed the wisdom of all the sons of the east and all the wisdom of Egypt. For he was wiser than all men… He also spoke 3,000 proverbs” (1 Kings 4:29-32).”

This guy has a lot going for him. Those proverbs and many of his wise sayings make up the book of Proverbs. King Solomon is giving us advice about every day life (yes, still applicable to today), and telling us how we should live our lives for the Lord. These proverbs equip us for life – every aspect of life. And there are conveniently 31 chapters in Proverbs, so you can read a chapter a day for a month! If you ever want to read the Bible, but just don’t know where to begin, open up to Proverbs to the chapter number corresponding with the date! That’s always a good place to start and always ends up being a great devotional. [Editor’s Note- I learned that tip from my dad. The margins of Proverbs in my Bible are filled with so many of my notes I barely have space anymore…I have read this book dozens of times and I get something new out of it each time]

At the beginning of this semester I became involved in a girls bible study group. The topic this semester is the book of the bible Song of Solomon (notice- SOLOMON!!). If I’m being completely honest, I had heard very little about this book and I had no clue what it was about. But after going through this study, I have fallen in love with this book as well. Coincidentally, my older brother’s friend gave me a ‘translation’ book over Song of Solomon last week (he didn’t know I was doing this bible study) and told me he thought going through this book would help me on my journey as it is relevant to the “finding your beauty in Christ’s eyes” premise. He was right.

I CAN’T BEGIN TO TELL Y’ALL HOW BEAUTIFUL THIS BOOK IS. This book is a love story- The greatest of all love stories. King Solomon and his beloved are speaking to and about each other through poem and songs. There is no other book like this in the Bible. The story is beautiful as well as the words through which it is articulated. These words can be taken literally, as it is a love story about Solomon and the Shulamite (according to the translation book, Shulamite is the feminine and Solomon is the masculine of the same Hebrew root word), and it can be taken as a metaphor of Jesus’ love for us and relationship with us (He is the bridegroom [Solomon] and we are the bride [Shulamite]). This story paints the picture of the correct way to approach dating and getting married, as well as demonstrates a passionate love like no other love in this world.

[Editor’s Note- FUN FACT: Apparently young Jewish children weren’t allowed to read this book of the Bible until they reached a certain age, because the things Solomon and the Shulamite say to each other are pretty suggestive. Tasteful, but suggestive.]

After reading through this whole book (it’s only eight chapters!), I found myself craving this kind of love. Jesus’ love for us is so passionate and unlike any other love. In an act to demonstrate this love tangibly, he gave us a man and a woman. The way Solomon loves this Shulamite is seriously every girl’s fantasy of how she longs to be loved. He compliments her just about every time he speaks to her or about her (lucky girl!). In the first chapter the Shulamite verbalizes how her skin is dark (dark skin was not “attractive” in those days because it meant she worked outside—also a metaphor for our sin), and how she feels unworthy. Chapter 1 verse 5 is this conversation between the two. When she said she felt unworthy, Solomon’s response was, “Yet you are so lovely!”  Then she told him she felt dark, and he responds, “Yet you are so lovely – like the fine linen tapestry hanging in the Holy Place!” Despite her insecurities, he assures her she is lovely! Even though we may not be ‘worthy’ of God’s love, he assures us we are loved anyway!

This book is rich with passionate verses about love, but I pulled out some specific ones that really stood out to me (some verses are many sentences long, so for several I just pulled certain sentences within that verse):

“Let me see your radiant face and hear your sweet voice. How beautiful your eyes of worship, and I love the sound of your voice in prayer.” 2:14

[He talks about how beautiful her eyes are because she worships the Lord and the sound of her voice when she prays – he sees her for more than her outward appearance…even though he does think her face is radiant.]

“How passionate your personality! 4 When I look at you I see your inner strength, so stately and strong. You are as secure as David’s fortress. Your virtues and grace cause a thousand famous soldiers to surrender to your beauty.” 3:3-4

[Again, he is speaking about the qualities he sees inside her.]

“You are beautiful, my darling. There is no flaw in you.” 4:7

“You leave me breathless – I am overcome by merely a glance from your worshipping eyes and you have stolen My heart. I’m held hostage by your love and by the graces of Righteousness upon you!” 4:9

“How satisfying to me, my equal, my bride. Your love is my finest wine, intoxicating and thrilling – and your sweet praise-perfume so exotic, so pleasing. 11 Your loving words are like honey to Me, drenched with worship.” 4:10-11

“Your inward life is now sprouting, bringing forth fruit. What a beautiful paradise unfolds within you!” 4:13

[INSIDES.]

“The shining of your spirit shows how you have taken my truth and become balanced and complete!” 6:6

“Your beautiful blushing cheeks reveal how real your passion is for me, even hidden behind a veil of humility.” 6:7

[She is humble, but he sees the beauty within her that even humility cannot hide.]

“I could have chosen any from among the vast multitude of the royal ones who follow me. 9 But one is my beloved dove – unrivaled in your beauty. Without equal, beyond compare, the perfect one, the only one for me.” 6:8-9

[Out of every woman in the world – He was a king so he’s not joking when he says he could have chosen from any – he tells her that she is perfect for him. Unrivaled. Beyond compare. The only one for him. How comforting that is!]

“You are truly the poetry of God – His very handiwork!” 7:1

[She shares likeness with God, which he admires.]

“Redeeming love crowns you as royalty. Your thoughts are full of Life, wisdom, and virtue. Even a King is held captive by your beauty!” 7:5

[Even though he is a King and she is not royalty, Jesus’ love crowns her as such and her beauty captivates him.]

“My love will be stronger than the chains of death and the grave, consuming as the very flashes of fire from the burning heart of God.” 8:6

[WHOA.]

“Rivers of persecution and pain will never extinguish this flame. Endless floods will be unable to quench this raging fire burning within you.” 8:7

[DOUBLE WHOA – if any guy were to confess his love to a girl in those terms today, uh, I don’t know how any of us would respond. That’s powerful stuff.]

*Jaw drops*

After reading those verses there is NO denying that this man is crazy about this woman. And that’s not even a fourth of the beautiful things he says to her. If you have any doubt in your heart or your mind that you are loved by your Lord, this book will wash away all of those insecurities. You are deeply loved. You are passionately loved. Though we are all flawed, we are ALL LOVED.

Days 23 & 24- Second "Night Out"

Saturday night was the first night I ‘went out’ with my friends since that concert I attended at the beginning of this challenge close to 20 days ago. Uh, let’s just say my experience was completely different. I originally said no to my friend’s invitation to go out with everyone, because that isn’t really ‘my scene’ anymore. Partying is an empty happiness, and I no longer feel the need to turn to it for fulfillment. But, I wanted to spend some time with my friends I haven’t spent much time with lately, and I needed to conquer a fear of mine. Last time I went out without makeup was to that concert on the first of February, and that experience went less than well. Me then versus me now are two completely different people. I wanted to see what I could handle.

My face was completely bare. My hair was still wet (and not brushed) when I went to my friend’s house before we went out. I was going all natural (yikes). I wore a maxi skirt (boys, those are those really long skirts), a flowy sleeveless shirt, and sandals. I wore pretty dangly earrings and some bracelets. And that was it. I was content and happy with the way I looked because I was confident in myself, and I knew there are bigger and better things in the world than college boys’ opinions of my appearance. I went into this night with a completely different mindset than I did the night of the concert. I went confident that I was confident in myself. Well, I started out the night thinking that way…

Do y’all remember in the post I wrote on Valentine’s Day, about being single and how it seems like all of my friends are in or getting into relationships? I was not joking. My group of friends and I (which were basically soccer girls and basketball guys) all went to a soccer girl’s house to hang out before we went out. At one point in the night I was standing in the kitchen area and I looked around me. Boy… and girl. Boy…. and girl. Boy…. and girl. Girl … and boy. I’m not kidding when I say this: out of about 15 people I was the ONLY single person in the house. 7 couples… and me. The feeling of inadequacy blanketed me at that moment. At that moment I remembered I had no one. Granted, I am not one of those girls who have to have a boy at all times. I like my space. I am as independent as He makes them, and I love being able to do my own thing. But every person, no matter how independent, longs for someone at some point in his or her life. Why are all the people around me getting together, yet God hasn’t given me anyone?

I turned to my best friend at the moment I noticed how dreadfully single I was. I told her to look around and made the comment that I was the only single person in the house. Immediately she assured me that I wasn’t, then after looking around she realized I was not exaggerating. The only thing she could say to me was, “It’s okay Rachel.” Ha. Thanks best friend. Bless her heart, there really isn’t anything anyone could have said to make me feel better, because there’s nothing anyone can do. And I wasn’t looking for her to fix it. It was just a moment in my life where something hit me. The realization of the place I was in my life. I have been on a high for Jesus lately. He fulfills me and He is the only One I truly need for my happiness. I know that. But reality is for a few minutes I was dissatisfied. Then smiley Rachel (my favorite version of myself) came back and we went out.

We went to a bar/club (?), and I put that question mark because for those of you who haven’t had the pleasure of visiting the small town of Nacogdoches, we have very limited places we can “go out”, very unlike larger college towns who have streets dedicated to night life. It was a bar, with music and a stage. I was dancing with my single friends who we met up with there and I got to talking with this random guy. He seemed interested in me and that gave me a serious ego boost. Needless to say which was much needed at that point. (Remember, I’m not wearing any makeup and I didn’t do my hair). The fact that a guy I didn’t know saw me and pursued me made me feel really great about myself. Those were very superficial feelings of worth, but that is my human nature. One boy’s attention changed the attitude I had about my life that night. I realized I’m not single because I am inadequate. I’m single because I haven’t met someone worth getting into a relationship with. He asked for my number when I really had to go to the bathroom (I know, so convenient right??) because I’m not keen on giving out my number to strangers, or to strangers I meet at bars for that matter. [Editor’s Note- In case you didn’t read my sarcasm, I did not actually have to go to the bathroom. Just making sure you’re still with me.]

I continued the rest of my night in the company of my girl friends. That encounter with that boy did two things:

1.  It made me realize that I am not single because there is something wrong with me. Yes, there are plenty of things wrong with me, but there are things wrong with everyone. God hasn’t put the right guy in my life yet. And that’s OKAY! IM 20! I have a lot of good years left in me.

      2.  It reinforced that I can easily get pulled back into the mindset of placing my worth in other people’s opinions. Self-doubt breeds that mindset. When I start feeling that way I need to turn to the Lord and remember that He has made me in His likeness, and I am fulfilled in His eyes.

                    

PATIENCE, Rachel. You are not inadequate; you are not dreadfully single. You are wonderfully single and you are so special He is saving someone just as special for you. When you are ready. I am the luckiest girl in the world because at this pivotal time in my life I have the opportunity to learn about myself and learn about my Lord, without the distraction of a boy. I have learned so much about myself throughout this experience, and I have learned so much about my Lord. I wouldn’t trade that for anything. He is molding me into the person He wants me to be. And I am praying that right now my future husband is being molded into the person He wants him to be as well. God’s timing is perfect. Be glad in your circumstances, Rachel.

“I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances” Philippians 4:11


[Editor’s Note- I wrote that last sentence before I found that Bible verse in Philippians. If you look, the Lord has advice and comfort for every situation you find yourself in. Sometimes so accurately relevant you can’t doubt that He is perfect and real and will always be there when you call upon Him.]

Days 18-22- My Heart Affects Every Aspect of My LIfe

There is a recurring pattern in my life. When I am going through something rough, I write about it as a way to vent and constructively relieve the negative feelings I've been harboring. As I’ve mentioned before, if anyone were to get ahold of my laptop they would find countless word documents of journals and poems about (mainly) boys. A lot are of the same boy, but there are some random ones who have managed to make an appearance in ‘My Documents’ as well. There is also something I have noticed this week that I haven’t really thought a lot about until now…. when things are going well in my life, I don’t have the urge to write. I can’t find any word documents about any happy event that has happened in my life since I received this computer two years ago. And this past week, if I'm being completely honest with y'all, I kind of forgot I had a blog. I didn't think about writing because I didn't have anything to write about. There was nothing I needed to vent about. Why is that?

I went to Houston this past weekend for Passion, and since I live there I was able to spend some quality time with my family. My mom made a comment to me that has stuck with me this week. My debit card is still linked to my parents’ bank accounts so they can see what I spend my money on if they wish to look. I have a habit of going shopping when I’m not feeling too great about myself. Who doesn’t love a new outfit?? It’s a temporary solution that makes me 'temporarily happy’, but within a month I usually end up shopping again because it didn’t make me 'permanently happy’. [Editor’s Note- My closet at home is completely full as well as my closet and drawers in my apartment here at school…my guilty pleasure is clothes and shoes... oops, I’m definitely a girl. But despite my shopping habits, I am actually pretty good with my finances, what I spend is what I can afford to spend.] My mom inquired if I had gone shopping lately (in the past month) already knowing the answer was “no”. I thought about it and said that I hadn’t, and she said that was one thing that really stuck out to her- that I haven’t dropped a lot of money on clothes in awhile. Why is that?

One of my teammates was talking about her weight this past week. As athletes we are very aware of how much we weigh and the composition of our bodies are very important to us (how much fat and how much muscle we have). Our sport is our job, and our body is the tool we use to do our job to the best of our abilities. I have weighed myself almost every day this past year. It used to be just to make sure I was staying hydrated and not losing or gaining too much weight in a short period of time, but since the middle of season this past fall it became like an addiction to me. I always had to know how much I weighed and had to constantly make sure I had more muscle than fat on my body. It became an obsession that ruled my conscious. In this atmosphere of collegiate athletics, this issue is not uncommon. I realized after my teammate made a comment about her weight that I could not recall how much I weighed. I realized I had not weighed myself in about 3 weeks. Why is that?

One of my oldest friends woke me up with a phone call at 1:00 in the morning last week. She told me her mom had read my one of my blog posts and really wanted her to read it right then. She went upstairs in the house she was in at the moment and read my post, and it spoke to her so much she felt the need to call me to tell me. This was the latter part of our conversation:

She asked me, “Are you happy?” to which I replied, “Yes I am happy.” Then she said, “Are you content? You seem really happy and content”. I laughed and responded, “Yes I really am content right now. It’s weird to explain but since I started this blog I have just been at such a peace with myself. I truly am happy with my life right now.”

She said, “Yeah I noticed. That’s awesome.”

There was a lot more to our conversation before those words and after, but what struck me was that I haven’t seen this friend since Winter Break. She said she noticed the change in my demeanor through my blog and through my tweets. She could just tell there was something different about me solely based on social media, even when she was a state away. Why is that?

I had a brief conversation with a friend this week in which my blog was brought up. She mentioned to me how she has seen a change in the way I carried myself since I decided to start this challenge. (A group of girls and I meet once a week with a mentor to keep each other accountable in our walk with Christ and to read the Word together). One of the girls mentioned that I seemed happier, that she noticed I was more open to the group than I had been previously, and then all concurred almost at once. The people around me have been noticing changes in me on the outside, as I have been noticing the changes in me on the inside. Why is that?

I believe your heart has a direct correlation to your life. 

I’ve mentioned this verse in one of my previous posts, but there is so much truth to it that I notice in my life almost daily. Proverbs 4:23 states,

“Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life” (NLT)

Or another version of this verse says,

“Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life” (ESV)

Whatever is going on deep down inside your heart, it directly reflects the way you live your life. I started this challenge trying to find my identity and value in Christ instead of relying on others’ opinions regarding my appearance. The Lord has changed my heart, and now I not only see that I am beautiful in Christ’s eyes, but I see that I am completely fulfilled in His arms. I no longer feel the need to vent to my computer about issues in my life. I no longer find myself craving a new outfit to make me feel better about myself. I am no longer constantly weighing myself trying to make sure I live up to a certain standard. I am no longer turning to makeup to relieve my self-consciousness. The Lord is changing my heart, y’all, and He is now changing every aspect of my life… AND PEOPLE ARE NOTICING!

I re-read all of my blog posts yesterday starting from the very first one. I didn’t even recognize the girl whose words filled my screen. She was so broken, she was so uneasy, so lost. I felt like I was reading someone else’s life. And that scares me because I had felt that way since my freshman year of college 19 months ago, and I didn’t even know it because that’s what I had become used to. Mediocrity had become my reality. I thought I was happy. I thought I had everything put together. I thought I had my life under control. Sure, things didn’t feel completely perfect, but that’s normal. I was living my life for myself. And I was going nowhere fast.

Being a Christian doesn’t mean your life magically becomes perfect. I know plenty of believers whose lives became worse after they accepted Christ. The Lord doesn’t promise that all of our problems will go away, but He does promise we will have someone to help us get through them. My life has been far from perfect, and I will struggle every day battling my inner demons. But the Lord says I don’t have to battle them alone. In Him I find my strength. In Him I find my peace. In Him I find my worth. There is nothing I cannot do if I have Christ in my heart. Because when Christ is in my heart, He flows through me and into every aspect of my life. My heart determines the course of my life, and with Christ at the center there is nothing I cannot conquer.

We all tend to turn to the Lord when we need something from Him, as we find ourselves doing with certain friends of ours. We often forget to praise Him in our triumphs. You communicate with your true friends during the good and during the bad. Don’t forget to talk to God even when things are going well in your life. Thank Him for the good and thank Him for the bad. Relationships become stronger the more time you spend on them. Spend time on your relationship with the Lord. I'm delightfully surprised at the direct correlation between my prayer and devotional time I spend with my Lord, and the peace and joy I feel in my heart. GOD IS GOOD, Y'ALL.

“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” Philippians 4:13